


Vacay in Pangea

by roe87



Series: Canon Shenanigans [13]
Category: Avengers (Comics), Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Banter, Bickering, Canon Era, Comedy, Dinosaurs, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Fluff, Forests, Grumpy Bucky Barnes, Hiking, Hotels, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Jungle, M/M, Old Married Couple, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sassy Steve Rogers, Savage Land (Marvel), Science Nerd Bucky Barnes, Tree Houses, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29903868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roe87/pseuds/roe87
Summary: Steve and Bucky are long overdue a vacation, and they have a couple's weekend all booked for a luxury jungle treehouse in Pangea.Apparently it's a destination hotspot...(Shame the other Avengers didn't tell them it's also a prehistoric, Jumanji-type world)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Canon Shenanigans [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1351015
Comments: 24
Kudos: 37





	1. Welcome to the jungle

Steve was waiting for Bucky, as usual, so he was occupying himself with a game on his phone when a knock came on their door.

He got up to answer it, safe in the knowledge that only other Avengers had clearance for the private quarters in the compound. Steve opened the door to Nat, in her Black Widow get up.

"Hey," he greeted, standing aside to let her in.

Nat didn't move. "I'm not an Uber," she said flatly.

"Hey, I'm ready," Steve replied, and gestured to his backpack in the middle of the floor. "Bucky's the one who takes forever."

Nat sighed, and entered the apartment. "Bucky!" she called out. "Hurry up, or I'll leave without you."

"Two seconds," Bucky's voice replied.

He was probably still in the bedroom packing his clothes. Steve sat back on the couch.

"Oh, here." Nat took out something small from her belt and tossed it to Steve. "Gift from Carol."

Steve caught it, turning it over in his hands to examine it. Looked like a small remote control for something. "Thanks," he said. "What is it?"

"Point it at me and press the button," she said with a smile.

Steve did as instructed, surprised when a green light came on and read Natasha's form.

 _Species; human_ , a computerised voice said, _threat; low._

Steve raised his eyebrows at Nat. "I think this remote just shaded you."

Nat's smile grew. "That thing can also tell you which plants or bugs are poisonous, because I know your phones won't get a signal out there and you'll want to check things."

"Well, according to Bucky," Steve replied, "all bugs are a deadly threat anyway."

"What was that?" Bucky asked, coming into the room, backpack on his shoulders.

"Carol sent us a toy." Steve waved the remote. "An _educational_ toy," he added when Bucky's eyebrow quirked up.

"What's it do?" he asked.

Steve pointed it at Bucky and pressed the button. The green light flashed over him and the computer said, _Species; human, with cybernetic enhancement. Threat; low to moderate._

Bucky blinked a couple times then scoffed. "I'm sorry, what? _Low_ to moderate? That thing's clearly busted."

Steve chuckled in amusement.

"C'mon, boys," Nat said. "Shake a leg. Your vacation is about to begin."

Nat flew the Quinjet, en route to Antarctica to pick up a team of Avengers post mission.

On the way she would drop Steve and Bucky off for a planned (and very much needed) weekend in Pangea, the tropical destination hotspot hidden by icy seas and snowy mountains.

Steve was still sceptical about it even existing, but a tropical valley in Antarctica probably wasn't the most weird thing he'd ever come across. And when he'd brought it up during team training, at least three other Avengers had said they'd vacationed there and enjoyed it.

So Steve had agreed to let Nat book them on a weekend away. She would drop them off and pick them up, and apparently everything they needed would be in their luxury tree-house hotel.

"Nearing the drop point, guys," Nat said from the pilot's chair.

"Alright!" Bucky gathered up his hair and quickly tied it back with a band. "Let's do this!"

They were both in casual cargo pants, boots, and t-shirts. Everything else they wanted for the weekend were in their backpacks, which they put on their backs as they went over to the hatch.

They'd be abseiling down a line to the drop point. Steve got the line ready from the jet's wall mount, while Bucky prepared their safety gear.

"Enjoy your weekend!" Nat called out, opening the Quinjet's hatch.

Air blew in; warm and sweet smelling. There were bright green, leafy treetops all around them, and a neat wooden platform directly below.

"'Bye, Nat," Bucky called back, attaching himself to the line and abseiling down.

Steve watched him go, and when he got safely onto the platform below it was Steve's turn. He attached himself to the line, checking below to make sure Bucky was clear, then he abseiled down.

The view of the valley was incredible from this height, air whipping around his face as he zipped down the line.

Steve landed softly as he could on the platform, lest he crash right through it. He detached himself from the line and touched the Comms in his hear. "Okay, Nat, we're clear."

"Copy," she replied, as the line drew itself back into the Quinjet. "Pick you up here at oh-nine-hundred hours on Monday morning. Try not to sit on any poison ivy or anything."

"Yeah, we'll try," Steve replied dryly. "Thanks, Nat."

The Quinjet flew away, and this was it. They were alone.

"Man, look at this view," Bucky said in awe. He was gazing out at the tree tops.

Steve looked around too. "So... where's our tree-house?"

It would be typical of Nat to punk them with no luxury tree-house after all.

"Let's take a look." Bucky inspected the sides of the platform, indicating Steve to come hither. "Ladder down here. Lucky we ain't afraid of heights."

They climbed down the wooden ladder, past the canopy of leaves and into tree branches shading them from the hot sun. Birdsong was all around them, along with strange squawks that Steve was going to assume were monkey calls.

At least, he hoped were only monkeys.

Bucky led the way onto a rope bridge. "This must lead to the tree-house, right?"

"Uh, hope so," Steve replied. "Let's find out."

"We're here to fuck around and find out!" Bucky declared, walking along the rope bridge with confidence.

Steve followed him, enjoying the view of Bucky's ass in tight cargo pants.

Through the tree branches, a wooden structure came into view. Bucky whistled and gestured at it.

"Think we found it!"

Steve had to admit, the tree-house looked incredible. Situated among thick, sturdy branches of a giant tree, the wooden structure looked slick and modern yet cleverly disguised as part of the tree at the same time.

Once across the rope bridge, they climb up two large branches and onto open decking with a sloping roof over it. The veranda looked out on the valley, and was clearly set up for visitors with two comfy chairs and strings of outdoor lights hung up.

"Neat," Steve mused, gazing around.

The tree-house proper had a wooden door draped in flowery vines, with a basic combination lock. Natasha had already given them the code, and they let themselves in.

"No air con?" Bucky said once they were inside.

Steve laughed lightly. "Not the luxury you were expecting?"

"I thought there would be air con," Bucky said, sounding pouty.

"It's only two days, Buck."

They took off their backpacks and had a look around.

It was a cute little house, built around the branches of the tree so that some of those thick trunks were inside the rooms. Having to step over and in some cases climb over the branches was fun, Steve thought.

The décor was simple but bright, modern and cosy. Similar to that cottagecore aesthetic Steve had seen online. (He liked cottagecore.)

The amenities were somewhat basic: a small but functional kitchen, a fully stocked refrigerator, a gas stove top cooker. The cupboards were stocked too, so they had plenty to eat.

There was even a bathroom with a shower cubicle, and a closet room with a toilet. The toilet had a flush on it, and out of curiosity Steve lifted the toilet lid to have a look inside. It seemed like a regular toilet with water sitting there. Plenty of toilet paper, and a sink with running water too.

"Huh," he said, impressed. "Well, that's a relief." He exited the bathroom to find Bucky. "You like it, Buck?"

"This isn't what I'd had in mind when Nat said _luxury_ ," Bucky said, using air quotes.

"C'mon, it'll be fun," Steve said. "Just like camping."

Bucky pulled a sour face, making Steve laugh.

"Why don't you go unpack?" he suggested. "I'll make us something to eat."

Food was the way to a man's stomach, after all.

Bucky's expression softened, and he nodded. While he picked up the backpacks and went to find the bedroom, Steve headed to the kitchen.

First he washed up, and couldn't resist sniffing the bar of soap on the little sink. It smelled like aloe vera or something.

Very nice.

Steve whistled to himself as he washed his hands, and dried them on the towel nearby. Everything was pretty clean, he thought, examining the counter tops. He'd have to ask Nat how he could leave a tip for whoever looked after the place. She'd said the travel agent only let it out to very exclusive clients, but surely someone came in to do the cleaning.

He had a quick nose around the kitchen, familiarising himself, then he made up some sandwiches for them to snack on.

Bucky hadn't come back yet, so Steve left the food and went to find him.

"Buck?" he called, looking through the tree-house.

"Here," Bucky called back, and Steve followed the sound to a room at the back, passing by a cosy looking lounge area with beanbag chairs and fluffy rugs.

This place was awesome.

"You in here?" Steve asked, walking through a beaded curtain and into the room.

There was a big, plump bed taking up most of the room, in clean white sheets with pretty lavender pillows, and a gauzy net draped over it and hung from the ceiling, giving the effect of a princess bed.

Bucky was under the gauze and on the bed, boots and socks off, playing on his phone.

Steve smiled wryly. "What're you doing?"

"Trying to get reception," he replied.

"Nat said you wouldn't be able to," Steve said, toeing off his boots before he walked on the rugs.

"I have my ways," Bucky said, still focused on his phone.

Steve approached the bed, lifted the gauze and climbed in on all fours. "Since we're on the bed," he said suggestively, crawling over Bucky's body. He waggled his eyebrows when Bucky looked at him.

"You really wanna stay here?" Bucky asked. "Clint told me there was a Hilton in the valley."

"Well, we all know Clint exaggerates sometimes," Steve said, shifting onto his side and smiling at his boyfriend. "Why don't you put your phone down and let's make time."

Bucky sighed lightly and tossed his phone to the nightstand.

"Aw, sweetheart," Steve said, reaching over to slide his hand under the hem of Bucky's t-shirt. "What's the matter? Why are you pouting?"

"I'm not," Bucky said (except he was).

"Will a blow job cheer you up?" Steve offered, as his fingers brushed across Bucky's bare skin.

Bucky smiled. "If you're offering."

"Sure," Steve replied. "I like to have an appetiser before lunch."

One fast, messy blowjob later (and a handjob for Steve while Bucky talked dirty in his ear), they cleaned up for lunch and had their sandwiches out on the veranda.

"I don't know what you're so bothered about," Steve said, admiring the view in front of them. "I think this is amazing."

"Steve, I hate camping," Bucky said, brushing the crumbs off his hands. "I thought this place would have all the mod cons and stuff. But this is literally like camping."

"There's a working toilet _and_ a shower," Steve pointed out.

"If there wasn't, I'd be leaving right now," Bucky retorted.

Steve shook his head with a laugh. "Stop grouching, Buck. It'll be an adventure."

"Steve," Bucky said, "you do realise there's no cell phone reception and no TV here, right?"

"There's a long wave radio in the kitchen," Steve pointed out. "And I spotted a pile of board games in the lounge."

"I'm not playing a board game," Bucky said.

"Or," Steve went on, "we could have a conversation."

"Full offence, but we talk all the time and this is supposed to be a vacation."

Steve laughed quietly. He knew Bucky wasn't really mad or anything, he was just being a brat.

"Well!" he said dramatically. "In that case we'll have to have lots of energetic sex and wear ourselves out, won't we?"

Bucky's lips twitched like he was fighting a smile. "Well, alright."

Steve grinned deviously. "But only if you play a board game with me first," he teased, and he laughed when Bucky groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nat on the Avengers group chat: LOL and then I left them in the Savage Land, RIP


	2. We've got fun and games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy [a relaxing walk in a tropical forest](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw2QNAUdMMs), courtesy of my new fave YouTube channel. (Also really funny if you have cats, as they wonder where the bird sounds are coming from)
> 
> ~ ~ ~

They spent a nice afternoon together cooking a late lunch slash early dinner, and eating it on the veranda with a couple of chilled beers.

Bucky had spotted another suspended walkway from one of the windows, so when the sun was setting they went outside to investigate. The views were even more incredible up there, and while they didn't have cell reception their phone cameras still worked, so they took a bunch of pictures posing against the pretty pink and orange sunset on the walkway.

"I think this leads somewhere," Bucky said, so they followed along the bridge as it took them through the treetops.

"We should've brought our backpacks," Steve said, gazing down at the forest floor below. The vegetatian was lush and wild, with colorful foliage and flowers he'd never seen before.

"We're not that far away," Bucky said. "Look, there's a big ol' tree up ahead."

The suspended walkway took them to a thick tree with a circular platform built around its trunk, and a little wooden hut hidden in its leafy branches. When they got there, they noticed a plaque on the trunk with pictures of birds and some written descriptions underneath.

"It's for bird watching!" Bucky said in delight, and dashed off to the hut. "Hey, there's binoculars in here!"

"Bird watching," Steve said, mostly to himself. "Seriously?"

He followed his partner into the hut and found him glued to a large set of binoculars on a frame, gazing out the slim window to see.

Those were some pretty big binoculars, and there was a second set. Steve sat on the bench and looked through the binoculars, adjusting the view as he gazed outside.

It was hard to see at first, to tell what was bird from tree, but he soon got the hang of it. Apparently those squawks and cries he'd been hearing were all big colorful birds, not monkeys, and they were in the middle of their evening sing song.

"This is incredible," Bucky said softly, still glued to the binoculars.

"Yeah," Steve replied dubiously, not all that enthusiastic about some birds. He moved his view to the skyline in the distance, and saw a mountain with smoke coming off the top. "Wait, what," he murmured, adjusting the view. "Hold up. Is that an active volcano?"

"Active doesn't mean it'll erupt any time soon," Bucky replied calmly. "They can stay dormant for years."

Steve drew back from his binoculars to look at Bucky. "So the tree-house isn't up to your vacation standards but an active volcano is just fine?"

"Ssh," Bucky told him. "You'll scare the birds."

"They're nowhere near us," Steve replied, but Bucky shushed him again. So Steve reached over and pinched Bucky's ribs where he knew Bucky was ticklish, making him yelp and giggle.

"Quit it!" He swatted Steve away with his hand but he was grinning.

Steve pulled him in for a kiss, and they made out in the bird hut for a while.

When it began to grow dark, they made their way back on the rope bridges because neither of them had brought a torch to see with.

It was surprising how quickly the light faded, and with the moon hidden by clouds it was getting harder to see.

"Watch your step, Buck," Steve advised, taking the lead this time as they navigated along the swaying walkway. He noticed a faint glow in the distance, and paused to look out at the darkened valley.

"What's up?" Bucky asked, coming up behind him.

"Look out there," Steve said, pointing to the orange glow. "What is it?"

"Fires?" Bucky guessed. "As in, lit torches. Look, they're moving."

"Huh." Steve watched with interest, but Bucky nudged him from behind.

"Steve, shake a leg. I'm hungry."

"Don't you wanna know what it is?" Steve asked, but started walking when Bucky slapped his ass.

"It's probably someone taking a walk," Bucky said. "Or several someones."

Steve pulled a face to himself. _Several someones?_ He had questions, many questions of the who, why, what, and where variety. But getting back to the tree-house before dark seemed a good idea.

They walked along the first rope bridge then the next, with Steve tracking the progress of the line of torches deep in the valley. Then they reached the tree-house, let themselves in and switched on some lights.

"What do you wanna eat?" Bucky asked, toeing his boots off.

"I don't mind," Steve replied, searching under the cabinet of the long wave radio. As expected, he found some more supplies including a pair of regular sized binoculars. "Aha." He took them out and headed back to the door.

"Where're you going?" Bucky asked.

"I just wanna see where that line of torches went," Steve said, going out the door.

The veranda was dark, so if those torches were still around, Steve would be able to see. He stood at the central point and looked through his binoculars. The jungle was almost black now, with its dense vegetation and no light. Steve scanned the trees in the valley, hoping to see something that would clue him in to what was going on.

While he didn't see the torches themselves, he thought he heard the faintest sound of drums in the distance.

So strange, he thought.

A few minutes later, Bucky came out the door and switched on the fairy lights. "Steve, are you going to help me make dinner?" he asked.

"Yeah," Steve said, and gave up scanning the trees. He couldn't see shit in the dark.

"So did you see anything?" Bucky asked.

"No." Steve set the binoculars down. "But I heard drums."

"The fuck you did," Bucky said with a laugh.

"I heard drums!" Steve insisted. "Listen."

Bucky sighed and came to stand next to Steve, leaning on the balcony as he listened. "I don't hear anything," he said.

"Well, listen a bit longer," Steve told him.

They waited, both listening. The birds were quiet now, but crickets were chirping softly all around.

"Steve," Bucky sighed, "there's no drums. Nat said this was a manmade nature reserve, nobody actually lives here. Now come inside."

"Clearly someone's here," Steve countered, as he followed Bucky indoors. "Carrying torches around, drumming and shit."

"Yeah, probably the lucky ones who got to stay in the Hilton," Bucky said dryly.

After dinner, Steve went outside again to check if he could see anything, but all he spotted was what turned out to be some fireflies dancing in the distance.

Could that have been what he'd seen before?

Steve wasn't about to share this new development with Bucky, lest he make fun of him. So he called it a night and went back in.

They played a boardgame in the lounge, sitting in the big bean bag chairs. They drank some more beers, had dessert, and tried to sit in one bean bag chair together but ended up mostly on the floor, making out on the rug.

Later on, when Bucky went to the bathroom Steve was packing the boardgame away when he heard Bucky shriek in alarm followed by the _thok-thok_ sound of knives hitting the wall.

Steve tossed the boardgame aside, up on his feet in 0.2 seconds and dashing to the bathroom. Bucky came running out and they met outside it, Bucky clinging to Steve with a look of wide eyed horror on his face.

"What?" Steve asked, holding Bucky and looking for any signs of injury or danger. "What happened?"

"There's a big fucking spider in there!"

Steve let out a sigh of relief. "Bucky," he said flatly, "Christ, I thought something horrible had happened."

"It has!" Bucky said dramatically. "There's a huge spider in our fucking bathroom!"

"Alright, stay calm," Steve said, edging his way past Bucky and peering into the bathroom.

He couldn't see a spider anywhere, but he saw two of Bucky's knives embedded in the wall.

"Buck," he chided, and went to take the knives out. "Don't damage the décor."

"Steve, it's fucking enormous," Bucky insisted, staying out of the bathroom. "I'm gonna get my gun."

"No, you're not!" Steve called back. "Chrissakes, Bucky. It's just a spider." Then he turned around and saw said spider on the wall, a big chunky black one about the size of a closed fist.

"Huh," Steve said, and backed out of the bathroom slowly. "Okay, that is kinda big."

Bucky came out of the bedroom sliding a clip into his gun. "Not for long," he said, gesturing to Steve to step aside.

"Well, hold up," Steve said, a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "You can't just go shooting up the bathroom for a spider. They'll charge us for wrecking the place."

"Steve, if that spider is in here, I'm sleeping outside," Bucky said seriously.

"I said I'll take care of it," Steve told him calmly. "I just need a container to grab it with."

"Ugh, why do you care about a spider," Bucky complained, but he stood down and allowed Steve to search the kitchen for a container.

"This will do," Steve said, finding a small box. "Hey, we should use that thingy from Carol," he said, taking it from his pocket. "Then it'll show you spiders aren't anything to worry about."

"Spiders _bite_ , Steve," Bucky said.

"Only if they feel threatened," Steve said. He poked his head around the bathroom door, and noted the spider was still in the corner on the wall. Slowly, he aimed the remote at the spider and pressed the button, as the green light scanned its form.

 _Species, Ctenidae spider_ , the computerised voice said, _threat, high._

"What," Steve said flatly, staring at the remote in his hand. "Why?"

"See, I told you," Bucky said. "It's probably poisonous. Now stand aside and let me shoot it."

"Oh, Jesus," Steve groaned, but he moved aside as Bucky asked. "We're gonna get shit from Nat, you know we will."

"Don't worry," Bucky said, "I got laser sight on this baby. One tap and it'll be taken care of." He slid along the door, holding his gun up close as he took a deep breath to prepare himself.

Steve watched from out in the hallway, shaking his head with a sigh.

When Bucky brought his gun down and did a dramatic spin into the bathroom to take aim, his expression changed from _kill_ to alarm.

"Shit, it's gone again," he said, training his gun around the room.

"Yeah, I'm not surprised," Steve said. "Probably heard you planning its funeral so it took off."

Bucky cursed under his breath.

"Well, we can close the bathroom door for now," Steve told him. "It'll probably go back down the shower drain or wherever it came in from. Problem solved."

Bucky looked at him with wide, horrified eyes, making Steve chuckle.

"Aw, c'mon, Buck," he said. "We have another bathroom and other sinks. We can skip a shower for one day."

Bucky came out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him. "I hate this place," he complained, holstering his gun. "I'm going to check the other rooms."

"Okay, you do that," Steve said. "I'm gonna have another beer."


	3. We've got everything you want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the hiking chapter, please enjoy this [rainforest walk with nature sounds](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlKU0MJhClM), and a [virtual walk through a tropical forest](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSVqPAN1nCM). 
> 
> A small heads up for some brief/mild recreational drugs/naturally occurring drugs use in this chapter. (Hey if you're a super soldier already, why not right?)
> 
> ~ ~ ~

Despite the spider upset, they didn't find any others that night so they went to bed under the mosquito net and slept well.

Daybreak turned out to be pretty noisy with all the birds squawking in the trees, so they decided to have an early start and get up.

They had breakfast and coffee out on the veranda, watching the sunrise. It was very beautiful, and Steve half wished he'd brought along his sketchpad but he had to settle for taking photos instead.

What they both agreed on was that they wanted to spend today exploring, so they packed lunch and supplies into their backpacks, and got dressed for a hike.

Since it was a jungle, or close to it, Steve dressed sensibly in cargo pants, boots and an Under Armor top. Bucky had on a pastel pink cotton t-shirt, and instead of cargo pants he wore short-shorts.

"The mosquitoes are gonna have a field day eating your legs," Steve commented.

"I have repellent on," Bucky said, tying his hair up.

"Is that what the smell is," Steve said, as Bucky tossed the bottle to him. "I don't need repellent when I'm with you, Buck. They all seem to prefer biting you."

"Because I'm a snack," Bucky joked.

They left the tree-house, finding a rope ladder to get down to the ground.

"Which way are we headed?" Bucky asked, as Steve checked the compass.

"I think we should head into the valley," he said, pointing west.

"Won't it be easier to keep to the higher ground?" Bucky said, and pointed north-west. "We'll have better views."

"But it'll be easier walking at the bottom," Steve countered. "If we find water, we can follow it along."

Bucky shrugged. "Alright. Lead the way, then."

"You can lead," Steve replied, grinning at him. "Then I can look at your ass."

Bucky laughed, and set off first. "Pangea, here we come!"

They walked along a pathway through giant ferns on the forest floor, with thick trunked trees towering above them. The birds in the branches above made a lot of noise as they walked below.

"They're about as noisy as your game," Bucky commented, looking over his shoulder at Steve as he walked in front.

"What game?" Steve said, then laughed. "Oh, Angry Birds? I could play that now if you want."

"Please, God, no," Bucky said, as they carried on walking. "Is it just me," he said, "or are these plants really huge?"

"They are kinda big," Steve said, gazing around at the foliage. There were tropical plants and flowers everywhere, or so Steve assumed because he didn't know a lot about plants. "Maybe it's the climate?"

"Gimme that thing from Carol." Bucky clapped his hands, and caught the remote when Steve tossed it to him. Bucky did some readings on plants they passed, the computerised voice listing off, _Species, Adiantum, species, Athyrium..._

"Well, what's the threat?" Bucky asked it, shaking it when it wouldn't say. "This thing's definitely busted."

The path disappeared into the vegetation along a steep bank, so they had to navigate their own path picking through the trees and bracken underfoot.

They couldn't find the path again, and the needle on Steve's compass started twirling back and forth like it couldn't pinpoint north.

"Are we lost yet?" Bucky asked, when he caught Steve smacking the compass.

"Well... we're not not lost," Steve replied. He gave up with the compass and used his watch instead, checking the location of the sun to find south. "Let's keep going this way. I think I hear water."

They kept going, following the steep bank until they found a wide, dry riverbed with a trickle of water at the center.

"There has to be more water than this," Steve said.

"We can eat second breakfast first," Bucky replied, sitting on a fallen log. "I'm hungry."

Steve joined him and they unpacked their sandwiches, eating quietly side by side. The birds squawked and sang in the trees on either side of the riverbed. Since they were out of the tree cover now, the sun was on them and even though it was still early it was very warm.

After finishing their lunch, they shared a bottle of water and some grapes between them, and enjoyed soaking up the sun's rays.

A mosquito buzzed near Steve's head, and he waved his hand a few times to swat it away. Strange, they never normally went for him when Bucky was nearby.

"Steve," Bucky said warningly, as an insect landed on Steve's leg.

"That's a crane-fly," Steve said, watching as the insect investigated his leg.

Then it bit him.

"Ow?" Steve swatted it away and got to his feet. "The fuck?"

More of them flew in, buzzing loudly. Steve realised with horror they were mosquitoes, and they were coming for him.

Bucky pulled a small can from his bag. "Don't breathe for a second, babe."

Steve covered his mouth and nose, backing away as Bucky sprayed the mosquitoes buzzing around him.

"Yeah, that's what you get," Bucky said, as the insects fell one by one. "Try to bite my man, you're dead now."

Steve chuckled behind his hand.

"Bet you wished you'd used the repellent, huh?" Bucky chided as they packed up their bags and set off again.

"I'll chalk it up to a lesson learned," Steve said.

They followed the river and the flow of water, hoping it would lead to somewhere interesting. Steve definitely heard water from somewhere, so they had to be getting close to something like a waterfall or a bigger river.

As they hiked down the riverbed, Bucky paused to nudge Steve and gesture behind them. "We're being followed."

"What?" Steve looked around, searching for someone, but he didn't see anything.

"There." Bucky pointed at a fallen branch, and Steve saw several pairs of eyes on little green heads watching them.

"Oh," he said, frowning. "What are they? Lizards?"

"Mm," Bucky said. "They're predators. Their eyes are up front."

"They're probably babies," Steve said. "C'mon, let's leave them alone." He touched Bucky's elbow to get him moving, and they continued along the riverbed.

This time Steve heard the lizards chirruping behind them, and when he looked round he saw they'd come closer, pausing when they saw him looking.

"They are following us," he said in surprise.

"Like I said," Bucky replied. "And I don't think they're babies."

"Well, what do they want?"

"I don't know, Steve," Bucky retorted, "shall we stop and ask 'em?"

"Will we get in trouble if we feed them?" Steve wondered aloud.

"Definitely don't feed them," Bucky said. "They aren't lizards."

"Give 'em a scan," Steve suggested.

Bucky pointed the remote at the not-lizards, all of them standing on two legs watching the pair intently. _Species, Compsognathus_ , the computerised voice said, _threat, moderate._

"Wait, what?" Steve said.

"I thought so." Bucky produced a gun, twirling it on his finger before firing off three rounds at the riverbed to scare the not-lizards away. "Those are dinosaurs," he said.

Steve pulled a face. "Nah, c'mon."

"Compsognathus," Bucky said, "is a dinosaur. And they were tracking us as a pack."

"Why would there be dinosaurs?" Steve said, waving a hand dismissively. "Descendants of? Sure. Maybe someone did experiments or something on lizards."

"They're dinosaurs, Steve," Bucky said, and kept hold of his gun. "Let's keep moving."

They walked on, and the water in the riverbed grew into a stream then a small river. The sound of water Steve had heard was a pool with a small but noisy waterfall. It was very pretty, and Steve wanted to stop and take a photo.

"I don't think we should stop," Bucky told him, but Steve really wanted to take a photo.

As Steve was snapping away on his phone, Bucky sniffed then made a groan of distaste.

"Steve, if you were gonna let one rip you could've done it down wind."

"Huh?" Steve looked at him. "I didn't do anything." Then the smell hit his nose too, and he nearly gagged. "Ew, what? What's that smell?"

"It's coming from over there." Bucky gestured up on the riverbank.

They climbed out of the river, it was getting soggy and wet in the bed anyway. As they walked carefully along the slippery bank amidst thin trees, they came upon the source of the smell over by the treeline.

An enormous pile of shit.

"The fuck," Steve said, looking up and down the pile. "It's taller than us!"

"Elephant?" Bucky said, and pointed the remote at it. The green light flashed but there wasn't a reading.

"Aw, I love elephants," Steve said, leading the way out of the trees. "Let's go see."

They found themselves on the edge of a grassy plain, trees in the distance all around and the smoking volcano on the horizon.

"There's mount smoky," Steve said, pointing it out.

Following the river, which was wide and flowing now, they walked across lush grass in the sun until they spotted large greyish animals in the distance, lining up at a space along the riverbank to drink.

"There!" Steve said excitedly. "It's a herd of elephants!"

"Um," Bucky said, "I'm not sure about that, Steve."

As they approached the animals, Steve saw that they weren't elephants.

"Okay," he said flatly, "you were right, they're dinosaurs."

Bucky used the remote and the computer told them they were a herd of Diplodocus.

"At least they're herbivores," Bucky murmured, as they crouched by some trees for cover.

Steve was busy taking photos when Bucky nudged him.

"There's the Hilton," he said.

"What? Get outta here..." Steve looked over where Bucky was pointing, and sure enough there was an honest to God hotel resort sitting just across the plain. "This place is ridiculous," Steve said. "I suppose you want to go check it out?"

"Sure," Bucky said.

It wasn't The Hilton, they discovered, but a nameless hotel just sitting in the valley like it was a perfectly normal place for a hotel to be.

There were iron gates and a white clay wall, which they could've easily scaled but when Steve said hello to the security camera at the gate, the gates popped open automatically for them.

"Is this weird?" he asked.

"Little bit," Bucky agreed.

Once in the resort, they looked around. The place out front was deserted, and it looked like a storm had blown through it because deckchairs were turned over, parasols were upside down.

Either that or someone had had a wild party here.

"Okay," Steve murmured, looking this way and that. Nobody in sight. "Well, surely someone's here because they let us in. Why don't we try reception?"

Bucky shrugged. "Think I'll take a load off," he said, picking up a deckchair and placing it right way up. He took his bag off and flopped down into the chair, laying back and crossing his hands behind his head.

Steve raised his hands. "You're not coming to reception?"

"Steve, look around," Bucky said calmly. "This place is deserted."

"Well, we'll see about that," Steve replied, and headed to the main entrance.

The automatic doors slid open for him, and Steve half expected to see people inside the lobby. Nobody was there, but the place looked new and clean, and he was pretty sure he heard music coming from somewhere.

See, he thought to himself, striding over to the reception desk, people were definitely here. He tapped the bell on the counter, letting it ring for service.

Nothing.

Steve waited a few seconds, then rang it again. "Hello?" he called.

"Aw, quit that noise," a voice groaned from under the desk.

Steve leaned over the desk to look, but he didn't see anyone. "Hello? Are you alright down there?"

"I said," the voice repeated, "quit that noise!"

And none other than Rocket Raccoon poked his furry head out from under the desk.

Steve stood back in surprise. "Rocket? The hell are you doing here?"

"Look, I know it looks bad," Rocket said, straightening out his whiskers, "but I partied a little too hard last night and the shelf under here is so cosy. Don't tell on me, Cap."

Steve raised his hands. "Who would I tell? There's no one here."

"They're out back." Rocket gestured through the lobby. "Pool party never stopped, it's twenty-four seven, three-six-five here."

"Pool party?" Now Steve was curious. "Wait, don't tell me. You did drumming, right? And carried torches around?"

"Well, I didn't," Rocket said, hopping up onto the desk's surface, "because I'm not an idiot."

"Okay," Steve said dryly, "debatable. But some people were drumming, weren't they? Bucky didn't believe me."

"Oh, he's here too?" Rocket chuckled darkly. "Say, lemme get you guys some of the tea. You wanna wait in the lobby?"

"We're out front," Steve said. "I didn't know you drank tea."

Rocket grinned toothily. "It's a local delicacy. I'll bring it to you outside."

Steve shrugged. "Alright. Thanks."

He went back outside, where Bucky was still in the deckchair. "I just saw Rocket," Steve told him, sitting down on the end of the chair by Bucky's feet.

"You did?" Bucky didn't seem all that surprised. "I just saw Wolverine walk past, and he was wearing the tiniest Speedos I've ever seen. Tinier than yours, even."

"What?" Steve looked at Bucky to check if he was bullshitting. "For real?"

"He's real hairy." Bucky's eyes widened momentarily. "Like, I had no idea. The man's practically a walking carpet."

"Huh." Steve frowned. "So... Rocket said everyone was out back having a pool party. Oh, and," he added smugly, "they had a drumming procession of some sort last night. So I wasn't imagining things."

Bucky quirked a brow. "Oh, yeah?"

"That's what he said. Must've been their party he was talking about."

A couple minutes later, Rocket appeared, pushing a small food cart.

"Hey, asshole," he greeted Bucky.

"Oh, hey, smaller asshole," Bucky replied, eyeing Rocket carefully. "What you got there?"

"Tea special." Rocket pushed the cart toward them and grinned mischievously. "Try some."

Steve was curious, so he turned a cup right way up and poured from the china teapot. The steaming tea that came out was bright urine yellow.

"What is this?" he asked. "Some sort of herbal tea?"

"Peyote cacti." Rocket gestured to the huge cactus plants in pots all around the resort. "Hotel special. Try it with a little honey."

Steve spooned honey into his cup and stirred it in. "This better taste good," he said, raising it to his lips.

Just then Bucky reached over and put his hand between Steve's mouth and the cup, pushing the cup back down onto the cart.

"Maybe after lunch," he said, giving Steve a pointed look.

"Aw, you're no fun," Rocket complained, then scampered away on all fours.

"What's up?" Steve asked. "The tea's no good?"

"I'm pretty sure it's spiked with something," Bucky told him. "Peyote cactus? That's gonna be a hallucinogen."

"What?" Steve looked into the teacup, then at Bucky. "Really?"

"Yeah." Bucky shrugged. "You can try it if you want. Wait a second..." He pulled his bag over and rummaged around inside it, bringing out a different gun and loading darts in. He snapped the gun closed. "Alright, go ahead."

"Why are you getting a gun ready?" Steve asked.

"They're tranqs," Bucky said, nonplussed. "If you have a bad trip and run off, I'm not chasing after you through a jungle full of dinosaurs and God knows what else."

"So you'd tranq me?" Steve said, voice going a bit higher than he intended.

Bucky shrugged again. "Why are you acting so offended? I'm offering to keep an eye on you while you trip."

"But you'd tranq me!"

"Only if you run off." Bucky leaned back in the deckchair, holding the gun against his chest to appear at ease but Steve saw his finger on the trigger.

"I wouldn't run off," Steve told him. "I'm not an idiot."

Bucky raised both eyebrows at him.

"Oh, screw you," Steve replied. "I'll just try a bit." He took a small sip of tea, and made a face. "That's disgusting."

Nothing happened, either. Probably his serum would burn through whatever substances were in there.

"See, nothing," Steve said, having another sip.

"I'd take it easy, if I were you," Bucky said.

"You not gonna try it?" Steve asked.

Bucky shook his head. "No way. You do know that shit will last for hours, right?"

"Probably not with my serum," Steve replied, and gazed around at the resort. Still nothing. "See? It's fine." He looked back at Bucky, except this time Bucky looked all... melty. Like a Dali painting.

"Oh," Steve said, as his vision went fuzzy and bright around the edges. "Okay, maybe something is happening."

"I told you," Bucky said with a chuckle. "You wanna go check out the pool party, or stay here?"

"Pool party," Steve said. Why not?

They entered the hotel lobby, Bucky carrying both backpacks and holding his tranq gun, and Steve in a floaty state of happiness.

The music playing outside was a mellow party vibe, thudding rhythmically, and they followed the sound through the hotel. When they found the outdoor pool area, it looked more like a tropical lagoon than a pool: man-made rocks cradled the lagoon, with waterfalls splashing down from above, and there were palm trees and colorful inflatables everywhere.

On the patio area there was a tall fire hydrant painted pink, spilling out white foam, and there were dozens and dozens of people here in their swimsuits dancing lazily in the foam, or lazing on lilos in the lagoon.

"Ohhh, I get it," Bucky said, "this is where all those X-Men swimsuit photos come from."

"Swimsuit photos?" Steve asked, looking around at all the pretty colors melting together.

"You haven't seen their swimsuit photos?" Bucky said.

"Well, clearly not," Steve replied.

"It's on their official Instagram, Steve."

A whistle sounded to their right, and they looked to see Rocket perched on a nearby rock holding a giant super-soaker. "Hey, asshole!" he yelled at Bucky before promptly shooting him with a jet spray of water.

"Oh, you little shit!" Bucky replied, and fired off tranq darts.

Rocket cackled and dashed out of view, his bushy tail disappearing behind the rock.

"I'm fucking soaked," Bucky complained.

"I wouldn't worry about it," a deep voice replied.

Steve looked round to see Wolverine standing there in a very small pair of Speedos, smoking a cigar. "Wet t-shirt contest is starting soon."

Steve and Bucky shared a look, and smiled.

"You could win that, Steve," Bucky said.

"I'm gonna," Steve declared.

~ ~

Monday morning, nine AM sharp, Natasha brought the Quinjet down to the tree-house drop point, checking the screen for the outside camera to make sure Steve and Bucky were waiting for her on the platform as arranged.

She opened the jet's hatch and released the ladder, waiting for them to climb on.

"Nat," Bucky's voice came in on Comms, "can you get the ladder?"

"Copy," she replied, pressing the button to wind the ladder in. She turned around in her seat, a small smile on her face as she watched Bucky then Steve both tumble inside the Quinjet along with the ladder.

Nat closed the hatch, and her smile grew as the two men picked themselves up with small groans and flopped into seats like they were exhausted.

"Good weekend?" she asked.

"Yeah," Steve said, rubbing his eyes. "Awesome."

"You could've told us there were dinosaurs," Bucky said.

"Oops?" Natasha replied. "Nice surprise, though? There aren't any really dangerous ones, and I know you love dinosaurs."

Bucky nodded sagely. "I do love dinosaurs."

Natasha grinned. "So, Steve, congratulations on winning the wet t-shirt contest."

Steve looked over in surprise, as did Bucky. "What?" they said at once.

"Yeah, it's all over Instagram," Natasha told them. "The hashtags are hilarious, by the way."

Bucky covered his mouth with his hand to hide his laugh, while Steve got his phone out to look.

"How did they even get any reception to post?" he asked.

"The hotel has Wi-Fi," Natasha said.

"Huh," Steve said, checking his phone. "Hey, I look good. No wonder I came first."

"You deserved it, babe," Bucky told him, and they started smooching passionately.

Natasha rolled her eyes fondly and turned back to the controls. "Glad it was a good vacay, boys."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Just Google image search "marvel swimsuit special" and you'll see exactly what this resort looks like, lol)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> If you enjoyed it please kudos and comment :D


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